Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Home State (TN) Proposes Law Requiring Muslims to Rob Banks, Gamble, Drink, Eat Pork, and Dress Like Sluts

As reported by Thinkprogress:
GOP-led states are tripping over each other to compete for the most absurd response to the perceived threat of Shariah law. Thirteen intrepid states are chasing Oklahoma’s unconstitutional coat-tails to bar any consideration of international or Islamic law, even if it means accidentally banning the Ten Commandments or Native American rights. 
But with state Sen. Bill Ketron’s (R) new Senate Bill 1028, Tennessee wins the honor of most radical response to a non-existent threat. Introduced last Thursday, the bill claims that Shariah law “continues to plague the United States generally and Tennessee in particular” and requires Muslims “to actively and passively support the replacement of America’s constitutional republic” with an Islamic state. Thus, adherence to the “legal-political-military doctrine” of Shariah law “is treasonous” and “a felony, punishable by 15 years in jail.”
I'll ignore the obvious unconstitutionality of such a law - after all, the law is essentially threatening to jail people for the free exercise of religion within the sanctity of their own homes, which blatantly violates the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ..."

What, exactly, is demanded by Shariah law, you ask? Well, such foul and base activities as:

  • Not robbing banks
  • Not gambling
  • Giving money to the poor
  • Not eating pork and shellfish
  • Not charging interest on loans [well, this IS patently un-American!]
  • Staying sober
  • Dressing modestly

Therefore, if you're in a bank in Tennessee, don't be surprised if a drunk Muslim dressed like Lady Gaga and riding a pig crashes through the door and holds the bank up - after all, they're only following Tennessee's own law.

And remember - if U.S. citizens can freely exercise their own religion in their own homes, the terrorists win. WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!??!111?!11!??

Oh, Tennessee ....

(start singing here)

Wish that I was on ole rocky top,
Down in the tennessee hills.
Ain't no smoggy smoke on rocky top,
Ain't no telephone bills.
Once there was a girl on rocky top,
Half bear the other half cat.
Wild as a mink, sweet as soda pop,
I still dream about that.
Rocky top, you'll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Once two strangers climbed on rocky top,
Lookin' for a moonshine still.
Strangers ain't come back from rocky top,
Guess they never will.
Corn won't grow at all on rocky top,
Dirt's too rocky by far.
That's why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar.
Rocky top, you'll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Now I've had years of cramped up city life,
Trapped like a duck in a pen.
Now all I know is it's a pity life
Can't be simple again.
Rocky top, you'll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
P.S. Apparently the great minds in the Tennessee state legislature ripped this idea off of a white supremacist. Classy move, guys and gals.

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